please check my writing task 1 and grade me roughly...mark my mistakes...

[nad]

you've had a bank account for a few years. Recently you received a letter from the bank stating that your account is $240 overdrawn and you will be charged 70 dolars which will be taken directly from your account. you know this information is incorrect.
write a letter to the bank. explain what has happend and say wht you would like them to do about it.

Dear Sir,

I am writing to you in response to the letter I received from your bank yesterday stating that my accounty is $240 overdrawn and I will be charged $70 which will be taken directly from my account.
The information given in this letter is not correct. I am a customer of your bank since five years and have kept all my payments up to date. I keep a record of all my credit and debit card bill payments and the bank transactions I make. Moreover, I always review the bank statements that I receive every month and I am sure that everything is well at my end.

Inspite of all this I receive a letter with an incorrect information regarding my account. This is very disturbing for me since I do my part so I expect the bank to do their part by first checking
properly everything and then issuing such letters. I would highly appreciate if the bank counter-check this information. I am attaching my bank transactions for the last month. Hope it will help
you in checking the discrepancies in the account.

Please resolve this issue at your earliest. Hoping to hear from you soon.

Thanks and regards,

Yours sincerely,

Nadia Shoukat.

 

[cim]

Hey Nadia,

I can’t mark your grammar, but I can share a few tips.
The length and paragraphing is excellent and make it easy to read. You are being a little bit repetitive though. For example, you haven’t done any rephrasing and used the same words. You have to explain the situation more specifically by adding additional details. You will be penalized for that.
You may get ( in my opinion ) 2-2.5 points.

Good luck

 

[florals]

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your letter dated 26.11.2010 regarding the overdrawn amount of $240. The information provided in your letter is incorrect as I have sufficient fund in my account and a charge of 70$ as overdrawn fee will not be tolerated

My name is Nadia and my account no is 056684463 which have an available balance of $5000 till date. Furthermore, I have been operating this account since 5 years and always kept a minimum balance to maintain the account. And from past one year I was unable to use this account as I had been to a business training trip to Europe and had forgotten my ATM card back home.

As you can see from the enclosed copy of your letter, the account no mentioned in your letter is 056684464 and has been delivered to my address without a prior check and has resulted in confusion. Hence, I would request the bank personnel to counter-check the information before dispatching any official letters to customers.

Yours sincerely,
Nadia

( Be precise when you're writing a letter to the bank. Give references like date and bank acc nos if needed
The question has asked you to explain what has happend which is not explained properly in your letter.)

I have just written a sample letter for you to understand the basic requirements. I m not perfect but i m sure this would help you to some extent.

if you need any assistance in checking your essays or letter you can contact me

God bless and best of luck for your exams

 

[Sanam Pao]

I would say something around band 7, although you should avoid writing such long introducing sentences. Florals has given an excellent example.